Notis: Det följande är en reproduktion av artiklen "Feeling Faith" i August-upplagan 2001 av Submitters Perspective, den månatliga bulletinen av United Submitters International.

Can I feel the faith I follow?

I persist every day in observing practices that give life to my soul and keep me connected to my Creator. I may waiver from time to time, but the rituals of remembrance including prayer and charity have become engrained in my routine. I remain steady sensing the support of these pillars as the changing current of life passes through me. I am grateful recognizing this rare blessing but question how deeply I can feel my faith. Can I feel my faith arousing passion for God and softening my heart to tremble as I summon or hear His name (8:2, 22:35)?

Can I readily forsake my bed to worship God out of reverence and hope (32:16)? I peel from my sheets sluggishly just before sunrise simply to cross off an obligation and resume my peaceful slumber. I need to feel the excitement that springs me to my feet in anticipation of praising the Most Praiseworthy from the deepest sense of longing and respect. I want to feel this enthusiasm rejuvenating my resurrected soul from the weight of weariness or the worries of the day ahead. I need this feeling inspiring me every dawn to remain in meditation, treasuring to be among the witnessed reciting God’s revelations, imploring the Most Merciful for forgiveness, and continuing my glorification until the Lord of Daybreak fades the stars (3:17, 17:78, 51:18, 52:49). And when the same stars appear at night, I must be eager to meditate once more to clear the troubles of my exhausted mind with the most beautiful names of my Lord (17:79). I need to feel the presence of being seen by the Seer nourishing my soul in praise of God until the death of sleep prevents me from forsaking my bed (26:218).

Do I remember God or am I reverently conscious of my Lord (23:57)? I need to feel an unending awareness that breathes with awe, moving me to glorify God as I first rise in the morning, during the light of His day as I seek His provisions, under His cover of night when I retreat, and at last as I retire (30:17-18).

I want to feel the curiosity of a child marveling upon the creation of the heavens and earth while standing, sitting, or on my side (3:191). Yes, I am eager to remember God when convenience and necessity present me the opportunity. My prayers of contact come and go quickly. Where is this continuous flow of praise before sunrise, at the beginning of my day, throughout the middle of my day, towards the end of my day as I am utterly lost, before sunset, and during the evening (52:49, 20:130)? Where is the presence of faith that feels God before taking any action, making any plan, or moving forward; the same consciousness that can remember God immediately after forgetting and say in forgiveness, “my Lord, guide me to do better next time” (6:121, 43:13, 18:24)? Where is the fascination in my wakeful eyes for the beautiful plants growing from vibrating lands, the pillarless heavens, the colors of fragrant fruit, sweet honey, and the rosy dusk (22:5, 31:10, 35:27, 16:69, 84:16)? Where is my resolve to honor the Most Honorable night and day without ever wavering or tiring (21:19-20)? I need to feel an awareness that is not aware of time or of my laboring but only of more awareness. I need my faith following a clear question; “is it not better to be one of those who meditate in the night, prostrating and staying up, being aware of the Hereafter, and seeking the mercy of their Lord” (39:9)?

Is my heart fully reverent as I contact my King through prayer (23:2)? My soul needs much more from me than to stand, memorize and recite prayers five times a day for the remaining days of my life. I need to penetrate every word and movement of glorification for each prayer my Grantor has gifted to me. I need to embrace this priceless opportunity knowing its time will arrive only once and will fade forever as my next gift nears. Where is the faith that rescues my mind from the three-minute flood of irreverent preoccupation that prevents my ritual from becoming a real reverence? I need to feel this reverence rousing the numbness that spreads ever so innocently inside me with each distraction. I need the faint vibration of my faith charging to the resounding emotion of the thunder that strikes its roar in praise of God’s glory (13:13). Not only today or tomorrow, but at the precise moment of each contact and during every prostration that is witnessed by God, for the remaining days of my life (70:34, 26:219). And I need this feeling with the blessing I have been given to return through charity what God has multiplied manifold for me. I need my heart to feel fully reverent as I open my arms, giving cheerfully for the sake of God (23:60, 2:177, 2:272).

Am I eager to engage in righteous causes and compete in doing so (23:61, 35:32)? I may perform a noble deed when the occasion presents and may even initiate my own. I must feel an enthusiasm that can advocate and accomplish an ever-increasing effort of righteous works without sensing weariness or weight. I need to feel the same desire that drives a dedicated athlete to train vigorously in preparation for competition; the athlete who sees suffering as strength towards the greatest triumph of victory (35:32). This striving and steadfast perseverance can exist only when I begin to feel the force of my faith. Do I reserve this effort for occasions of grand undertaking or great turmoil? I must feel the fervor of these qualities to battle the great adversity within that prevents my fight for greater causes. I want to race along the difficult path knowing that my striving will bring me closer to the Source of Righteousness (3:133, 90:11). This path can have no feelings for dignity or exaltation as I seek to exalt the Most Exalted and be humbled before the Most Dignified (28:83, 35:10). Along the way, I need my eyes to covet only the everlasting quality of righteousness and the great blessing my heart has received (20:131). I need the tears of gratitude washing away the grief for all that I have missed and beams of appreciation blinding the pride for all that my Provider showers upon me (57:23).

I want to feel how the mountains tremble and crumble out of reverence for God upon witnessing what the Honest Spirit has delivered (59:21, 26:193). I need to feel my body crumbling in prostration, my ears vibrating with heeding intrigue, my mind seeking refuge in the Best Supporter, and my faith soaking in every word of mercy and guidance that enters my soul (32:15, 7:204, 16:98, 8:2). I need my heart to feel it can soothe any trouble with this glorious and profound source of wisdom that the Lord of the Universe has revealed (50:1, 15:1, 36:2).

I want to feel the trembling of these mountains; the rumbling of my faith inviting and reminding with wisdom and kind enlightenment, debating in the best possible manner and uttering peace (16:125, 51:55, 25:63), advocating righteousness and tolerance (3:104, 7:199), reconciling and keeping the peace within my family (49:9-10), avoiding vain talk, suspicion and backbiting (23:3, 25:72, 49:12), and resorting to patience, pardon and forgiveness (42:43). I need to feel the strength of these mountains; unwavering to subdue my vulnerable eyes, preserving the unique beauty of a pure body and mind, maintaining modesty, being straightforward and equitable, bearing witness with absolute justice even against my own, and placing all my fear and trust in God (24:30-1, 23:5, 2:189, 6:152). I need to feel the unity of these mountains; caring for my relatives, lowering the wings of humility and kindness in appreciation and honor of my parents, encouraging my family with steadfast perseverance to observe the contact prayers, forcing myself to be with those who worship the Supreme day and night, giving priority over my own affairs to help without hesitation the strivers seeking refuge, and feeling God’s love for the united (33:6, 31:14, 17:24, 20:132, 61:4, 18:28, 59:9).

I want to feel the impassioned emotion of the heavens that want to shatter and the earth that is eager to tear asunder for the Almighty (42:5, 19:90). I need to feel this passion from my faith pushing me higher and higher towards the Most High. I need to feel the blessing in being among the strivers who are distinguished before the victory, to crave more knowledge that draws me nearer, and to earn the status of complete certainty for my Creator and awareness for the afterlife. (57:10, 4:95 58:11, 49:15, 38:46). I want to emulate my Lord’s love and appreciation for me as I strive towards the Sublime similitude that can never be fathomed (39:67). Yet, I feel the confinement of an incarcerated servant, dependant and directed by this rigid garment my Designe has perfectly shaped for my soul.

In the brief presence of sensing complete freedom of faith, I feel the glorious flow of being one with the spirit my Initiator has blown into me. This feeling kindles a true sense of power in me. I need to feel this force to continue my steps toward the unseen; steps that have become harder and heavier with time. I want to be moved knowing the approaching time for my final step is closer than the blink of my eye (16:77). I pray for forgiveness to my Forgiver if I forget or make mistakes and I seek protection from my Protector before it becomes to late for me to take another step (2:286).

Amir Kia